For This Child I Prayed Journal


Guaranteed safe Checkout

Free shipping

Complimentary shipping on all orders shipped in the continental U.S. only for ground delivery.

Of all the journals in the Bee Not Conformed collection, "For This Child I Prayed" is the one that impacts me on the deepest level. Not only does it deal with coping with the challenges of infertility and Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG), but it is also a love letter to my daughter.

Dedicated to…

All the women who are still praying...

Birth moms who have selflessly shared their gift of motherhood with someone else...

Adoptive moms who take to heart that love is the tie that binds even in the absence of DNA…

Foster moms who love and care for "other people's children" for months, years or for a lifetime...

The little angels we hope to see again on the other side...

The tiny rainbows who illuminated our lives with hope after the storm...

Every HG warrior - past, present, future...


My daughter Milan. You are my sweet, precocious, burst of pure energetic joy. Loving you fuels me to create a legacy for you and your children's children. Your love not only gives me the strength to move mountains on your behalf, but it also continuously challenges me to instill in you the very best of me.

Since the day you were born, my primary focus has been to painstakingly build you up and positively reinforce your wings, in hopes that one day you will soar even higher than I did, walk even bolder in your purpose, and ultimately become the very best version of you that God has called you to be.

Milan, you are mommy's answered prayer. I love you ♥

I’m not a failure, but maybe my body is…

I have vision-boarded my entire life and nowhere in the sea of cut-out images and positive affirmations was a picture of me sitting in Starbucks ugly crying over a cup of hot chocolate while sharing with a good friend my deepest darkest fear that I might never be a mom.

That moment was the first time that I had said it loud enough for the people in the back. The first time, that I allowed myself to say, “Yes, I really desired to have a baby” instead of hiding behind the “If it’s God’s plan for me, then it will be” canned response that I used to mask the deep longing I carried inside.

Since I was a young girl I admired Josephine Baker’s “Rainbow Tribe” and dreamed that when I was old enough to marry I would have a big family of my own with ten kids, mostly adopted, with one or two biologicals sprinkled in.

However, in my youthful naivete it never occurred to me that not getting pregnant when I was ready was a possibility. Heck, it never even occurred to me that I wouldn’t get married until I was in my mid-thirties. Yet, there I was knocking on the door of my 39th birthday, married for almost five years and trying hard to accept what seemed like my fate.

I was struggling.

It didn’t help that my love for children ran deep and that my heart is to help as many of them as I can. That’s one of the primary reasons that my husband and I became foster parents. I thought that I had to channel this energy towards something bigger than myself and my self-pity. I thought well maybe this really is part of God’s plan and that somehow my purpose was to be a temporary mom to foster children caught in the net of the system.

I thought I had God figured out as we went through background checks, licensing classes and home studies. But somehow staring into a cup of hot chocolate that day I felt exposed. I was running on empty and I couldn’t hide anymore.

Yes, I believe that part of my life’s calling involves helping children in some capacity. But in that moment, I finally allowed myself to grieve for what could possibly never be. I had to face my reality and understand that those two things were not tied together – one was not a substitute for the other. I could still follow my passion and serve as an advocate for children without surrendering my own desires.

I desired to carry my husband’s child. I desired to give birth to a baby that was part of me. I desired to see myself and my husband in our child’s reflection. But it seemed that it was not meant to be.


All Sales Are Final. 

All Bee Not Conformed journals are made to order in our vendor’s print facilities in the United States. We do not stock journal products so your ordered item(s) will be made specifically for you.

Fulfillment + Shipping Time

Orders under 100 units can take approximately 7 – 10 business days to be completed, plus additional shipping time.  

Lost or Stolen Packages

Bee Not Conformed is not responsible for lost or stolen packages confirmed to be delivered to the address entered for an order. Upon inquiry, Bee Not Conformed will confirm delivery to the address provided, date of delivery, tracking information and shipping carrier information for the customer to investigate.

Returns (if applicable)

Print errors are rare, but they do happen! If you notice anything off about your order, please visit our Contact Us Page or send an email to If you are contacting us about a damaged or defective order, please attach an image when emailing.

To be eligible for a refund or exchange, you must first email us within 7 days of receiving your journal at to alert us of the damage. Please do not return the journal until you have received further instruction as we will review your request and provide you with the proper return address before you return the damaged item to us. 

You will be responsible for paying your own shipping costs for returning your item. Shipping costs are non-refundable.

Refunds (if applicable)

Once your return is received and inspected, we will send you an email to notify you that we have received your return item. We will ship out a replacement if available. If a replacement is not available we will refund the full purchase price of your item.

Depending on where you live, the time it may take for your exchanged product to reach you, may vary.

If you are shipping an item(s) over $75, you should consider using a trackable shipping service or purchasing shipping insurance. We don’t guarantee that we will receive your returned item.

Late or missing refunds (if applicable)

If you haven’t received a refund yet, first check your bank account again.

Then contact your credit card company, it may take some time before your refund is officially posted.

Next contact your bank. There is often some processing time before a refund is posted.

If you’ve done all of this and you still have not received your refund yet, please contact us at

Scroll To Top