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Diary of a Break Up Journal
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This journal is more than just a place to house the hurt, anger, angst, fear, pain and unrequited love you may be feeling at the sudden or long-awaited conclusion of your relationship. These pages are also the perfect springboard to reclaim the hope, happy, peace, fearlessness, joy and self-love that you may have lost along the way.
“Diary of a Break Up” was inspired by excerpts from an actual break-up journal that I had never intended for anyone else to see. I wasn’t blogging my pain away, I was merely sitting there pen to pad hoping that one day I could write my heart whole again.
I share pieces of my story then leave you the space, freedom and inspiration to write your own.
Heal. Forgive. Rebuild.
Beyond these pages are actual entries from a journal that I kept after a life-changing break-up. I found it as I was combing through the archives of my writings looking for inspiration for my collection of journals featured on BeeNotConformed.com
When I initially considered the idea of including a break-up journal in the collection, I did so with the intention of using a book that I had previously published as the inspiration for those pages. However, when I read these entries, I was immediately transported back in time to that place where I once was.
It was incredibly fascinating to have an almost voyeuristic vantage point of my own break-up. On one hand, I felt so vastly removed from who “she” was, yet at the same time so incredibly close. I wanted to hug her, to love on her and tell her that she will be fine, that “WE” are fine. Although our baggage is still a bit weathered and scarred, this moment was a catalyst to so many beautiful things.
I longed to tell her that the kind-hearted man she’d longed for, who would love her and be faithful to her, she ultimately married. The child she secretly wanted and so desperately prayed for, she gave birth to her and is now the inspiration of a journal all of her own. But the most beautiful thing that arose from these ashes was the relationship that began to develop and strengthen over time with our Heavenly Father.
This is why I decided to share it.
How many other women are out there right now facing the end of a long-term relationship? Mine was limping along for nearly 7 years before I heard a voice say, “Please pack your knives and go.” Seriously, what I really heard was a clear strong voice telling me to “Move!” Trust me when I tell you I wasn’t ready. Not ready in the sense that I had thought I needed to be ready as you will see in these entries. But spoiler alert – I went. I took everything I owned (that I remembered to grab) and I left.
So as you read this I hope you find solace in knowing that you will make it to the other side. You may be feeling a host of emotions right now, especially if you’ve been hurt and your trust has been violated. It’s not easy being “replaced” so to speak. I know that healing has to happen first - at least that was the case for me. I had to allow myself the time I needed to pick up the pieces of my heart. And only after the open wounds of heartache were soothed, was I finally able to allow myself to get to a place where I could truly set him free.
I remember literally writing his name on several pieces of toilet paper and then flushing them down the toilet one by one while saying, “I release you.” If you know my twisted sense of humor, then you will find the funny in that, because at that time dude was literally full of it and I thought it was a very appropriate send off.
In order to rebuild, I couldn’t look back. For all I know, he ended up marrying the girl that he cheated on me with. But even if that is truly the case, I couldn’t allow that to become part of my story. What I knew for sure was that journaling would somehow lead me to the promise land – the place where my heart could be whole again, where I could feel safe and secure enough to love again, where I could get to know me again.
Your path may be different, it WILL be different, because no two hearts ever break the same. The only advice I have to give you is to roll with each day as it comes, one journal entry at a time. Write as much or as little as your heart desires. Just know that journals make excellent “rain catchers”- capturing our tears between the protective shield of each page.
I pray that you have the love, strength and support of a least one real friend to cushion your fall should your break-up become a full-fledge break-down. And as difficult as it may be, sometimes we have to shed our battle-scarred skin in order to become a true Phoenix rising – renewed and reborn.
Our #1 goal is to not allow our break-up to break us.
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